A great deal of talk has been bandied around about that secret deviation,
S&M. Most of it has been in whispers, or in the privacy of one's own bedroom
late at night when sleeplessness shatters the walls between daylight shock and
midnight wonderings.
Today, we shatter the chains of the mind that bind the secrets to the dark.
There are many levels of S&M, running from the simple act of spur-of-the-
moment trying one's mate to the bedposts with stocking to the true sado/
masochism that goes on in professionally-run 'dungeons'. And not all of the
deviations can be labeled as S&M -- some runs more to the 'B&D'.
The subtle difference between the two is fairly simple. B&D (or bondage &
discipline) is much more playful, less painful practice of sado/masochism.
A great many people practice B&D without understanding that it is related
to S&M. Tying your mate to the bed, using a feather or string duster to stimu-
late new sensations in new areas, even role-playing where one is the Dominant
and the other the Submissive are just a few examples. Some forms run higher up
the rung, and though bordering on S&M, do not go over the edge entirely, for
the only intent is to cause more powerful orgasms and stimulation.
Bondage & Discipline can take many more subtle forms than simple mechanism-
use, such as whips and masks. Bondage can also cover 'Mummification' (wherin
the Submissive is wrapped tightly in Ace bandages from head to toe and left
alone in a room with his or her own thoughts); Voyeurism, where the Dominant
hides in a closet or some such place and watches as the Submissive masturbates;
or the practice of using whips, masks, the hint of leather, or verbal threats
as to what will be done to the Submissive's body should they not do as they
are told.
S&M deals with whips and leather and masks, but on a more violent level
wherein one may be suspended from the ceiling, dragged abut by a chain or rope
connected to nipple (or any other places they can be found) rings, kneeling as
the Dominant drips wax down upon the Submissive's bodily parts, racks, burns,
etc...
S&M is a serious game. B&D is a game that gives the same sensation of ex-
citement, but it is still only a GAME!
The one thing that they have most in common, no matter what level the games
are being played upon, is trust and communication between the practitioners.
One understanding that seems to be common is that, before getting into the
game, neither of the participants are to indulge in alcohol or drugs. Control
over the game is the responsibility of all involved! If you were willing to
try it, even once, you certainly would not feel safe in the hands of someone
who was drunk and in total control over the whip, chains, or anal beads! BOTH
must be clear of mind to know when to call a halt to things.
Unfortunately, the word 'STOP!' can be used in many situations, none of
which have anything to do with actually stopping! Therefore, 'Code Words' must
be agreed upon well in advance, and any Dominant worth their salt will go
through everything with you well in advance of the game. The Dominant must
know what you are ready for, what you DO NOT want done to your body or mind,
and what level of pain you can withstand, though you yourself are uncertain as
to that point.
Since the Dominant is always in control of the situation, it is their resp-
onsibility to see that you are enjoying yourself, not reduced to a whimpering
pile of flesh whose mind has run and hidden itself away too far into the depths.
The 'Code Words' are the stop-gap in the game. If something is becoming too
painful, or if you suddenly find you are claustrophobic AFTER you have been
locked into a full-face mask, YOU are the one who must tell the Dominant that
you are uncomfortable or in real pain that is unacceptable. Choose words that
will come easily to mind. Some examples are: 'Dog', 'Cat', 'Rug', 'Chevy' or
'Ford' ... something you are VERY familiar with, and will not easily forget.
Talk to the Dominant about your choice of 'Code Word', and once uttered, the
game will be stopped, and you can both decide whether it is completely over, or
if you want to go to something less terrifying or trying.
The real dangers in both B&D and S&M are in finding yourself with the wrong
person in control. You (as the Submissive) must TRUST your Dominant to follow
your decisions immediately and completely! A good Dominant will continually
check you and your bindings to make sure you are enjoying the experience and
not suffering too much pain. Or that blood is being cut off to vital areas!
Some hints to the novice game-player are: NEVER use a whip unless you have
practiced! And Practiced! AND PRACTICED!!! Use balloons as targets, and try
to wrap your whip around them several times without breaking them. If you can,
you are on your way to becoming proficient. Remember, whips can pop an eye or
testicle out, or, with the wrong blow, cut an artery or leave scars! It can be
a toy, yes, but they were first created as WEAPONS, and should be treated with
great respect. (If you consider how many people get shot EVERY DAY with un-
loaded guns, you have a general idea of how a weapon can be misused or misun-
derstood!)
Start off slow. Use feather dusters and soft bondings such as stockings,
clothesline (not the plastic kind, the cotton type! Both clothesline and sto-
ckings tend to slip tighter!) or, if you use handcuffs, make certain the key is
in a safe, quickly-reached place. If you use clothesline, wash it in your
machine at LEAST three times, and soak it overnight in fabric softener.
Always tie knots so that they can be immediately slipped off by the
Dominant, and when tying hands together, make certain the wrists are facing
towards each other and the knot is to the side. Knots can slip around and
tighter very easily, and the chance of seriously cutting off needed blood
supply is dramatically increased when the wrists are facing OUTWARD!
Decide on your code words well ahead of time and REMEMBER them!
Always try your chosen equipment out on YOURSELF before you use them on
someone else! Running a whip over your back will show you how it feels to
other people, and a few whacks will teach you that there is such a thing as too
much!! Leather articles can have edges or 'catches' or buckles that will be
painful. Take some medium sandpaper and run it over your equipment, then take
finer sandpaper and repeat the process until you can wear it in total comfort.
If you have ever had a 'Seven Gates of Hell' contraption slid onto your cock
or into your vagina right out of the shop, you will have already learned the
important lessons of 1) trying it out on yourself first, and 2) yes, you really
have to sandpaper damn near EVERYTHING that is leather!
Sandpapering is a necessity, not a frivolity!
One does not HAVE to be jaded or bored to explore these new reaches, nor do
you HAVE to take things to the 'wilder side'. Remember, 'toys' tend to make
your body build up a certain resistance to sensation after a time. Pace your-
self, and do not try to go beyond what is fun and pleasurable.
During sex, your body puts out a certain level of natural 'Novocain'.
What may hurt one time may not be necessarily so the second, depending on
your level of stimulation. Be wary at ALL times!
Be certain to trust your Dominant! Ask questions, no matter how silly they
may sound. With an experienced partner in B&D or S&M, they know the control
necessary and the trust one must have. A good Dominant will NEVER take things
further than you want them to go, because it simply is not fun anymore!
The thrill of these games is in the sensation of fear and new stimulation.
But, injury could await those that do not make their needs perfectly clear, or
are sure of the one holding the whip.
Remember, even a Submissive is responsible for how far the game goes, and
the only object is to have a good fantasy and a very good, enjoyable time for
all.
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